The Asperger Blog

Linking Education and Social Media Awareness Around Asperger Syndrome

Wives and Partners of Aspergers

Wives and Partners of Aspergers

Specialist Therapists helping ASD/NT Marriages and Relationships attachmentImage attachment


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Anything in Tasmania? Launceston in particular?

Interest post xx


7 News Sydney
A US study has found brain scans could be used to predict autism in children as young as six months old.

More – Health tips

#Autism #7News
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vaccination scars

Tune in Aussies - put in your diary.

Next week on Insight: Diagnosing Autism

"Kids struggle. We need to understand that struggle."

Are we getting autism diagnosis right? Next week, on Insight:
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Rebecca Ryan

A fabulous video explaining Autism ❤️

Perhaps a good one to show kids and help them understand Dads / or siblings differences.

The Story Behind 'Amazing Things Happen'

Two years of love and care went into creating this wonderful animation to raise understanding and acceptance of autism. Enjoy Amazing Things Happen.
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My grandmother sent this to me.

Prefer Mac v pc 🙂 not xbox v playstation .... but great!

The excitement of finding another AS aware counsellor!
I have had the pleasure to have been chatting with Carol Ring who is based in California however also provides support via Skype. Carol is truly aware of neurodiversity and how it impacts intimate relationships. She is that lovely combination of warm and knowledgeable and is actively doing her part to bring greater understanding of Aspergers in a world that is still so caught up in stereotypes.
If you are looking for additional support please have a look at Carol as an option.

"Carol Ring, an educator, facilitator, and Life & Wellness Coach, is an advocate for spouses, partners and family members of Adults with Asperger’s. She has twenty years of experience living and working with those affected by autism or other related special needs. She understands the challenges in relationships between a person with Asperger’s and a person who is “neurotypical”, and she is skilled in bridging the gaps so each partner can flourish.
Carol worked for Fortune 100 companies before dedicating her life, work, and passion to this unique niche. She holds a bachelor's degree in Psychology from Antioch University, is a SENG (Social Emotional Needs of Gifted) certified Parent Model facilitator, and will be completing her professional coaching credential from the International Coaching Federation"

Apologies that the information below is a bit messy however i couldnt seem to attach the documents
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Are you walking through landmines? ASD defensiveness in the NT/AS Relationship Do you feel like you never really know what will trigger your AS husband or partner? Do you try to walk around landmines only to find an explosion that seems completely out of the blue? Why do many Adults with ASD go on the defensive and have these meltdowns? They can lash out in a rage, be verbally, emotionally and sometimes even be physically abusive to others, especially those closest to them. It appears to NT spouses and partners like their counterparts can be easily triggered by the most inconsequential things. Spouses and partners are very often caught off guard and in shock as to what just happened. So what is all the fuss about? It is known that those with ASD have high amounts of anxiety. They may be very good at hiding it because of their flat affect, charming mimic behaviors, and learned scripts. However, on the inside they struggle with many of the things we take for granted. Of course these triggers vary for each person with ASD, but many of these things are anxiety ridden for them. Take grocery shopping for example, most NTs don’t even give it a second thought. We just do it. Many Aspies however, have to think about grocery shopping and each and every little step of what is involved to do it; all the little details of making a list, searching for the item, what if they don’t have it, what size, what brand, how to interact with grocery staff if necessary, what if they see someone they know there, what if someone talks to them, how to pay, what to pay with, what bags to use, what if they get the wrong item and their NT partner gets upset? It can be exhausting for them. Many of those with ASD are faced with situations everyday where they don’t know what to say or what they feel and they can get very anxious and stressed. They are unsure of how to BE in the NT world. On returning home from the grocery store, they can let their guard down but if you ask them an innocent question about an item they bought they could have a meltdown, lash out in a rage or say a disparaging remark to you because THEY feel put down and inadequate, like they messed up yet again. Their landmine blowups are their defense, their survival mechanism, to what they don’t know, don’t understand, and can’t express any other way. They go into self-protection mode and the “flight or fight” center of the brain, the amygdala, kicks in and off they go. They are so filled with anxiety that they cannot differentiate it from any other day in their life because they have never lived a day without it. It is just the way life is for them. They don’t have an experience or perspective on how life could be without feeling all this anxiety, or if they have they did not notice it. Unfortunately this anxiety is chronic and life-debilitating for most with ASD. Many work very hard at keeping it together and under control but it does affect everything in their life, including spouses, partners, their children and others closest to them. This is part of ASD. It is a pervasive developmental condition. It is part of who they are. It is one huge reason why they find a "good" wife and attach to us. It’s usually a wife who has strengths in their opposite areas who can cover for them and relieve them of the responsibility. They can learn ways to manage their anxiety and defensive behaviors if they are willing. That is the key. They must be willing. They need to see what is in it for them. Progress is slow and a lot of hard work, but not impossible. Defensiveness ©2017 Carol Ring and Allied Journey, All Rights Reserved. For the NT spouse or partner: If we can take a moment from OUR self-protection stance, begging, crying, explaining and desperately trying to get them to change and do it our way, into merely observing, and accepting, perhaps we can see a glimpse of what life is like for them. Perhaps then we can begin to not take it so personally and see it for what it is . . . ASD. This is NOT condoning an abusive situation or abusive relationships! Adults with ASD are just that, adults, and they do have choices. You MUST take care of yourself and contact a domestic violence center or other authority if you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Coaching questions:  How does the ASD defensiveness affect you?  How do you want to be when a meltdown occurs?  What can you do for YOU for some of your Aspie’s triggers?  What have you learned about yourself when you have stepped on a “landmine”?  What have you learned about yourself when you are up against defensive people?  How do you want to be when someone is defensive?  How are you taking care of your Self? Tips and strategies:  Learn what the triggers are for your ASD spouse or partner and try to minimize those.  Learn what your role is in the triggers. Do you intentionally or unintentionally play a part in it? Were you not involved in it at all? Did you become his target simply because you were there when he tried to decompress from his day or had something else on his mind that he was anxious about?  Choose your battles: Is it really worth it for YOU to endure the meltdown that is likely to occur?  Ask your ASD mate if he will try an anti-anxiety medication  Let him know in advance if you need to talk to him about an important issue so he can get prepared  Accept what he CAN do AND accept his limits  Hire a qualified coach to guide you through these challenges to keep you grounded and centered.

So many of us had gone into marriage expecting that we now had a partner to grow, discover, and go through life’s journey with. Soon after the wedding, we couldn’t figure out why we had so much difficulty communicating with our life partner. We couldn’t figure out why we were not connecting. We couldn’t figure out the behaviors that seemed so odd to us only to get anger and blame by the person that loved us. Many of us had tried couples counseling which just ended up getting us more blame. Even though we tried, it only resulted in failure. We tried talking to friends and family only to hear, “All men are like that.” But it was different. It was hard to explain. Why doesn’t anyone out there get it?! I get it. I live it myself. Then we stumbled onto Aspergers Syndrome or Autism Spectrum Disorder, as it is now called. We were amazed and astonished that there was actually a label for what we were experiencing. We discovered we were on this life journey together with our partner . . . yet alone. Some of us have been able to bridge this neurological divide and have successful marriages. Some of us continue in misery and despair, feeling trapped and lonely. With Allied Journey, you are not alone. I am here to guide you and support you on this very challenging road. Whether you choose to stay or leave your relationship, I will guide you to new pathways to reclaim your self, your spirit, and your joy. Sign-up now for a free complimentary session and see if coaching is right for you. (661) 993-2941 Carol Ring is a professional coach, consultant, speaker, educator, and advocate for spouses, partners and family members of Adults with ASD. Her other specialties include ADHD, Gifted & Twice-Exceptional, Personal Success, Career, Wellness, and general Life Coaching. She resides in Santa Clarita however technology allows her to coach clients all over the world. Carol has a BA degree in Psychology from Antioch University, a Life Coaching credential from the International Coaching Federation, and is a certified Autism Specialist from the International Board of Credentialing and Continuing Education

I need someone in Dallas area!

9 months ago

Wives and Partners of Aspies - Aspergers

Have a look at some of the work being done by Stephanie Holmes in her new three-part series on Neurodiverse marriageThe AACC Professional Blog team is proud to share a three-part series on Autism & Marriage by Stephanie Holmes. In this mini-series, Holmes addresses the complexities involved in what is referred to as an "Aspie- NT" (Asperger’s- Neurotypical) marriage. Holmes is a Certified Autism Specialist and among other professional accomplishments including writing and speaking, she works with Aspie- NT couples across the country through Skype consultation.

#AACCProfessionalBlog #Aspergers #Autism #AspieNTMarriage #Marriage #MarriageGoals #StephanieHolmes #MaritalSatisfaction #AACC #TheAACC

Start with part one here:
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Have a look at some of the work being done by Stephanie Holmes in her new three-part series on Neurodiverse marriage


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A question from a follower of the page.

Does anyone know of any support groups for wives of Aspies that meets in the Denver area?
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Or the Orlando area? I've been searching too. Thinking of starting one of my own.

Also searching in the twin cities, Minnesota

I will be tagging my husband in this one. He would never argue with science

Do you believe in the power of hugs?
💞 👌 YES! 🤗 🤗 🤗
👐 ➡
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My lovely Aspie hugs me all the time, I'm blessed 🙂 he says I'm his safe place <3 Robert

Good luck getting a hug from an Aspie -- I haven't been hugged in twenty years. But I often dream about it at night.

I showed it to my husband!!

So true.


Yes they do

Hugs just for the sake of hugs? Haha not here. 😧 I get hugs from my kids. DH will only hug me first if he wants something more than hugs. He does hug me if I go to him but it's not something that he does off his own.

Agh. I hate this part. I'm a huge hugger. I feel deprived.

Camilla Scott Alaina Scott now do you understand me?

Patrick Ancill


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